He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
