Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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