he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
two words...techno handjob
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
