wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
