cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
