a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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