you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
