I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
