my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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