this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
