Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude i'm inner monologue high
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
