those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
