Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
