Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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