Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
