Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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