No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
they're like a gay fantastic four
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
