I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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