its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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