The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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