It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
