You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
