I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
