You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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