Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
