listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
