You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
