I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I believe in your delicious
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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