Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think my moral compass just broke
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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