Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
