Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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