I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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