When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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