the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
