did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
