i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
