The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
