The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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