girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drake has all the answers
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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