When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
