I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sarcasm needs its own font
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
