There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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