I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
