there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
