And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
