The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
