someone threw a dead crab at me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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