he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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