If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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