I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
