If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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