So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
