I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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