How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
