I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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