sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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