my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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