the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
