i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
