Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
