I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
