I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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